Babies, I can’t stand them. My coworker recently had a baby, she's now 8 months old and she annoys the living shit out of me with her screechy, whinny, bitchy ass cries. She insists on being held at all times and when her parents feed her she demands to be fed at the right pace or else she'll start throwing a fit again, screeching, whining, swinging her arms and banging on the table, what a spoiled little brat.

As I am typing this up she is banging some toy on the desk nonstop, her mom took it away and she started screaming. I went outside to smoke the 3rd cigarette in the last hour because I can't stand it. I had to Google "Can an 8 month old baby be spoiled?" and the results I got came to be: "Babies from newborn to 1 year are spoil-proof" -- spoil proof my ass.

I blame my coworkers because they always succumb to the cries and give immediate attention to their precious little baby and holding her all the time, she's almost like 18-20 lbs. now and can already walk around in one of those baby walkers yet they insist on holding her all the time. Learn to crawl, walk, and talk, and shut the fuck up.

I hate babies. Every parent thinks his/her baby is so cute and smart, they're not.  All they do besides crying, eating, and shitting is giving you the "What the fuck you looking at?" look. I tried to play peek-a-boo with her once and she was really confused; staring at me trying to figure out what I was doing, so I stopped. But as soon as I stopped she started screeching again. Guess what? I’m not your mommy so I don’t have to listen to your bitchy ass whines.  I’ve learnt to never play with her again ever until she can speak so I can tell her to shut the fuck up and learn some manners.

My contempt for crying babies and undisciplined children don’t stand alone, it goes hand in hand with their oh-so-loving parents. I can’t recall just how many times I have gone on an airplane or a movie theater and have the misfortune to sit next to these obnoxious children screaming, yelling, and other bullshits and their parents not doing (or simply can’t do) a damn thing about it. Every time I find myself in these types of situation I always have this urge to stand up and walk to the incompetent parent and tell them: “If you don’t make your stupid fucking kid shut the fuck up, I fucking will.”

I despise the warped and twisted perceptions parents mistaken as “love” towards their children. They think their babies are so bright and attractive, when they are utterly useless and probably average looking. Let’s face it, most babies look the same, that’s why you can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl. The only special ones you remember are usually the especially ugly ones.

Parents repeat the same phrases and count numbers to the idol, unresponsive baby tirelessly, hoping for their babies to miraculously and suddenly learn how to speak and count, when all you get in return is an empty stare. And if you’re unlucky, you get a big, fat, long, rhythmic bitchy cry, which is the only single thing they learn and put to use – because why? The parents respond to it, babies don’t need to learn other tricks, crying alone brings them bitches at their service to satisfy their every single need.

I think I’ll stop typing this now not because I’m at work, but because the baby is once again bitching and whining. It frustrates me because not only the baby needs to be held, she needs to be held standing up, you sit down for a second, she cries. Worse yet, not only she needs to be held standing up, she wants to be held standing up and facing out, if she’s not seeing what you’re seeing, she cries. Why are the parents letting this happen and why can’t they just leave the little shit on the baby-walker and let her walk around? It doesn't matter anymore. At this point I’m just going to go out and smoke another cigarette while fantasizing myself leaving the crying baby in a room all by herself. And I’d go to a distant room, lie at a sofa comfortably, light my cigarette and sip on some ice cold beer and play a movie and just let that baby cry to her sleep. I hate babies.