February 4, 2010

• Interviewing Master Cheng on Royal Jelly

  
  
  

  Recently I had the opportunity to go on TV, it was an infomercial we’ve done for one of our clients in Taiwan. In the show I was titled the “Master of Beekeeping”, what an accurate description.  
  

  Anyways, there was a brief interview with me involved in the program and here is what went down:

  

  
  

  Interviewer: First of all, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to come out here and talk to us.

  Jacky: No problem, I’d like to thank YOU for taking the time to come out here and talk to me. [Laughs]

  Interviewer: [Fake smile] So, Mr. Cheng…

  Jacky: *Cough* MASTER Cheng *Cough*

  Interviewer: Ok, MASTER Cheng, can you explain to us what Royal Jelly is?

  Jacky: Well, Royal Jelly is a nutritious substance that the worker bees secrete to feed the Queen; it is the exclusive food source for the Queen bee, all other bees from the hive consume bee pollens and honey, hence its name: Royal Jelly.

  Interviewer: So in a sense, Royal Jelly is pretty much the stuff that bees vomit and Queen bee eats, exclusively.
  

  Jacky: More like secretions.

  Interviewer: Uh huh, interesting. So tell me, what is so special about the Royal Jelly?

  Jacky: [Chuckles] Well that is a ridiculous question. Look, the life span of a worker bee is typically 30 to 40 days; do you know how long a typical Queen Bee lives?

  Interviewer: Beats me.

  Jacky: 6 to 8 Years.

  Interviewer: Wow, that’s impressive.

  Jacky: Years.

  Interviewer: Yes, years.

  Jacky: YEARS.

  Interviewer: Ok. I get it.

  Jacky: That’s like, 300 times the life span of the normal worker bee!

  Interviewer: Actually, that’s more like 70 times give or take a few.

  Jacky: Hey, newsflash, nobody said I was a Math major, and do not question my authority.

  Interviewer: Well, I wasn’t, Mr. Cheng.

  Jacky: MASTER Cheng.

  Interviewer: Sure, MASTER Cheng. [Looks away, shaking his head in disbelief] Ahem, so, what would happen to humans if we were to consume Royal Jelly?

  Jacky: Well, we definitely won’t be living 300 times longer than our typical life spans [Laughs]…

  Interviewer: You meant 70 times, give or take a few.

  Jacky: 70, 300, 20 million, same thing. Royal Jelly contains massive amounts of Vitamin Bs, amino acids, and fatty acids that are all critical nutrients for all living beings, including humans.

  Interviewer: And what benefits would these nutrients do for human beings?

  Jacky:  Taking Royal Jelly on a regular basis helps maintaining the functions of homeostasis and metabolism within the human body, things like: getting better in sleep, better appetites, better moods, better sex, you feel better, it’s basically good for your general wellbeing.

  Interviewer: Like drugs.

  Jacky: More like dietary supplements, except it is all natural.

  Interviewer: [Shrugs] Base on the effects that incur after taking Royal Jelly, it sounds a lot like drugs to me.

  Jacky: Oh yeah? Base on your face, you sound a lot like a dipshit to me.
  

  Interviewer: Well, to each his own right?
  

  Jacky: Not when you are making stupid remarks about a perfectly good product.

  Interviewer: Why do you always want people to agree with you?

  Jacky: Why do people always say that?

  Interviewer: Because you do.

  Jacky: No, I don’t.

  Interviewer: You just did!

  Jacky: [Silence] Ask me a question.

  Interviewer: [Chuckles] Well, do you..

  Jacky: [Stands up, pushes his face as near as possible towards the Interviewer’s] IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. [Gets back onto his chair] Somebody just got owned.

  Interviewer: OoooKay. This interview is over.

  Jacky: I’m sure glad it is. [Points his finger in a very feminine way towards the Interviewer] Soldiers, attack.

  A huge swarm of pissed off bees attacks the Interviewer, poisoning the Interviewer to death.

  [Background music plays] Nate Dogg from Bitch Please II – “And you don’t really wanna fuck – with me, only Nxxga that I trust – is me. Fuck around and make me bust – this heat…”

  • 1:27 am
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