August 18, 2009

  • Facebook Poker rant

    I HATE love Facebook Poker
    ~~strictly rant~~

    Yo I've been bored outta my life and playing Facebook Pokers lately, I miss owning people back in the Bay! But since I can't, I gotta take it international and conquer the world!

    Anyway, this is a vent post so here it is.

    Facebook Poker Players with the following characteristics get on my nerves, and I usually set out my targets and wipe them all out, and talk shit to them and then leave.

    1. Premature Ejaculations

    These players are often also type 2: Pussy ass Pro1Ms sitting at cheap ass table.

    What they do is, they own more than 1 million chips, yet they play at 500/1K table, they tend to come into a table with only 10K total playable chips, while the mean chip count for all players is usually around 50-100K.

    Then what they do is, they ejaculate pre-flop, yes, that is, they all-in pre flop with their shitty ass 10K chips whenever they see an opportunity with irressitably-all-in-able great hands such as:

    - A6 unsuited
    - K8 unsuited
    - 25 suited

    And although most of time I'd murder them with my AJs, AQs, AKs, King Kongs or Rockets, sometimes they manage to slip in some bullshit 3 of a kinds or odd ass two-pairs.

    Then they'd collect they money, stand up (so he leaves the table and deposits his winnings), and comes back again with little ass chips.

    And then they'd go back to step one: premature ejaculation AGAIN, PRE FLOP.

    Today, I whooped this kid who's got 50K total chips, he went all in 3 times pre-flop with 15K each time, needless to say, he got shitty cards like 56, K3, J5; and I ate him 3 times with: 3 of a kind, top pair and a straight. then he proceeded to call me "The Luckiest Cunt", so what I did was I ate the rest of his digital facebook chips and then sent him a Tissue Box, what a little bitch. This made my night though, I felt so happy afterwards, I picture him asking his other facebook poker buddies to spare him some chips so he can go All-in again. Scrubs.

    2. Pussy ass Pro1Ms sitting at cheap ass table

    As mentioned before, these pussies tend to have more than 1 million chip count but still play at 200/400 table and go all in like crazy. They like to act like they "don't give a fuck", but the truth of the matter is they simply have shitty IQ scores that prevent them to act any further after the flop.

    I guess Facebook Poker is the only place they feel powerful intellectually, but then I'm not too bothered by them because they tend to give me more chips, that is if I'm patient enough.

    Worst thing is they LOOOOOOOVVVVVEEE to say stuff like "Go get a life loser, I don't play this everyday like you losers!!!"

    Hello? Anybody home? Yeah, you know what these people play at the Casinos? WAR.

    3. Singaporeans

    LOL I'm not really pissed at Singaporeans but why not? They usually come in packs, talk in shitty Singlish and act as accurate portrayal of the above two lamenesses combined. I can sense the lameness the second they enter the table, the first thing they do is they buy each other tons of cakes, drinks and other bullshits. Their profile pictures are usually very uninspiring, the guys are usually in sun glasses with spikey hair and a black shirt; the girls are usually in Hello Kitty mode with blurry ass close ups and 2 pound flour make up powders trying to look like a combination of punk/rock/emo/cute/Japanese.

    LOL

    God it feels so much better, now I can sleep and dream a good dream.

    Night!

    BTW Eminem owns.