May 4, 2009

• I hate (most) Singaporeans

  I hate (most) Singaporeans.

  Ever since I moved to Malaysia I had been asked in many occasions to visit Singapore, “Jacky you should go to Singapore! Why don’t you go? It’s really close!”

  NO THANKS.

  The only factors that would contribute to my motivation to visit Singapore are my friends and families.

  Actually, no, even if my friends and families are there, I still wouldn’t go because that’d make them Singporeans, and as I was saying, I hate (most) Singaporeans.
  
  Thanks to Facebook and other internet applications I’ve had the (mis)fortune to be exposed to more Singaporeans everyday, and they’re just like computer viruses, I can’t get rid of them. Everytime I play Facebook Poker or Warcraft online I’d meet a couple of Singaporean players, and it’s amazing just how they all sound like the same exact person.

  One night I was on Facebook Poker, minding my own business. Suddenly these group of Asian players joined the table, started giggling and buying each other drinks and giving $1 chips. And it wasn’t until one of them typed: “Walaozzzzzz, y u so late ah? I wait very long time liao~!” I realized I was in for a rough night.

  For your information: “Walaozzzzz” is a phrase the Singaporeans actually express when spoken. I never fully understood the meaning, though I highly suspect it being “哇老師~~” or equivalent to “Oh Geez~” in English.

  Anyway, I was just concentrating on my poker hands, until this new player enters room, which featured a giant Doraemon cartoon as the profile picture, to which I unwittingly commented: “Wow that’s a big Doraemon.”

  Little did I know that little comment of mine just cost my night of fun poker, I would then find myself in an intense Singlish Rape:

  “wat u got prob?”
  “u got prob?”
  “no he gort stupid swim flu liao!” (it’s swINE flu you dumb fuck.)
  “weii~ I tell u lor”
  “wallaoozz he so stupid one”
  “he’s fuck liao”
  “hahahaa lan jiao pig flu”

  Normally I wouldn’t give two shits about retarded people making retarded remarks, but since I was in the mood to be adventurous and try new things, I tried explaining that I actually LIKED the Doraemon and that it was an indirect compliment for choosing a Doraemon as a profile picture, not my intention to insult the guy. But since they are all desperately insecure about their profile pictures as well as their 2-inch erect penises, they decided to trash talk me, in tag teams, in SINGLISH.
   
  And there really isn’t much I can do, I got owned. Wanna know what their trash talk sound like? I guarantee you WILL NEVER WIN their trash talk in a MILLION YEARS, check the following:

  Here are 2 common traits I find in (most) Singaporeans:

  1.    Shitty Singlish

  Needless to add, it’s like they are proud to be able to destroy the entire English Language and rename it Singlish. And it’s amazing just how inefficient people can get with a language, to the point that they can’t seem to type complete sentences or say anything without a Liao or Lah at the end.

  Wait, maybe I was wrong, because you see, Singlish is not shitty English, it’s shitty English PLUS shitty Chinese, it is basically a combination of two poorly coordinated languages merging into one.

  In that sense, perhaps Singlish is a more efficient way to expression, but at any rate, I still no give fuck lah!

  2.    Arrogance

  Leading to my next point. There is this fundamental fucked-up-douche-bag-nature I observe in a lot of Singaporeans, that is they look down to other people of Chinese heritages. And the single easiest way to identify this scumbag nature is that a lot of Singaporeans prefer to speak Singlish and refuses to use Chinese when they can, EVEN if the situation suits or demands necessity, to which I will give examples later.

  Now, nothing wrong with using Singlish at all, but I have a problem against it when you feel superior and look down at others because you are capable of Singlish. It’s one thing to be proud of where your culture, but it’s a whole different story when you’re constantly dissing other sibling cultures and glorifying all phenomenons about your culture, or the LACK thereof.

  What is it about (most) Singaporeans dissing Chinese, Taiwanese, HK, and Malaysian Chinese? I don’t get it. And why do most Singaporeans prefer speaking Singlish and not Chinese? Shit, homie the way you speak Singlish isn’t much different from speaking Chinese dialects anyway.

  One time I was shopping at a local 7-11 in Taiwan, these two Singaporeans were immediately identified on spot because they were showing off their Singlish, using super-uber-cool words like “walaooozzzz i told u lor~~ ji bai lan jiao~~lolz!!!”

  At the counter these two were trying to purchase cigarettes using Singlish. As I mentioned before, even though they are capable of at least minimal Mandarin ability, they refused to speak Mandarin, instead these two supposedly elite Asians chose to speak their highly praised Singlish at the counter, trying to buy Marlboro Lights:

  “I get pack of Mah-boh-laiiii” “Wahh! U no English ah!?”

  So I had to step in and help my fellow Taiwanese clerk and resolved a potential 3 hour wait in line, while these two Singaporeans laugh their way out of the store. And they’re not even teenagers, ADULTS, around my age. I really don’t understand these people’s mentalities.

  Over countless instances when I make business calls to Singapore, using Mandarin Chinese simply gets me nowhere, particularly when I call to inquire to speak with someone in the upper management level. Now I must confess, I do NOT speak English well at all, BUT when I do speak it on the same occassions, my calls gets me where it needs to be. Take note that it’s not because the receptionists do not understand Chinese, it’s precisely because they do and they did not want to tolerate Chinese speakers period.

  Also, what is it that the Singaporeans are so proud of? The only likable person I’ve heard from Singapore is Stephanie Sun, and she made her breakthrough in Taiwan. I recently found out J.J. Lim is from Singapore and I finally realized why the whole time I had this mysterious urge to want to sock his face, now the mystery is dispelled.

  I don’t recall anything inspiring or worth visiting Singapore, except maybe I heard they whip people to death when you spit gums in the streets.

  Naturally there must be something that a lot of Singaporeans can be so cocky about. So yeah, I figure what most Singaporeans are proud of — their economy, their high level of civilization and infrastructure. Yeah the economy is booming and everyone is getting rich, making their doughs living all the way on top. But then again, no matter how low you consider the other Asians (particularly Chinese) to be, or how much ass you want to kiss the White folks, or how much money you’re making…

  YOU

  CAN

  NOT

  BUY

  CLASS
  LAH!
  

  ---

  Please note that this post is completely biased though I really can’t care less about it for as the Singaporeans would care about their own promising country.

  I have Singaporean friends and they are indeed very decent people, this post is strictly a rant post for my unpleasant encounters from most Singaporeans I ‘ve met so far.

  • 3:28 am
  • 37 Comments